The Foundation of a Long Lasting Relationship


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Written By: Lauren Zoeller

As the summer months begin their approach, so do the ‘summer flings,’ which may leave you thinking “Is my relationship built to last?” When I heard about the theme for this issue, education and empowerment, I thought this would be a great opportunity to share a tool to identify the strength of your current or potential “summer love” interest. 

The foundation of a long- lasting relationship is similar to a four- legged chair. Each leg represents a key element that builds the foundation of the relationship, and if at any time, one of the four legs is missing or cracked, the chair may wobble or, in some cases, crumble. 

In my time working with women, I have developed this tool that can help identify if a relationship has long-term potential. Take a look at the four legs below, and get curious about your current relationship foundation. 

Leg #1: Shared Values: Shared values keep you together during the difficult times and bring joy during the good times. A few examples of shared values look like marriage or having the same views on monogamy. 

Leg #2: Shared Future Goals: Do you both want the same thing for your future? Shared future goals keep you working towards the same outcome. Where do you both want to be five years from now? Is it similar? 

Leg #3: Shared Lifestyles: There’s nothing wrong with purchasing the finer things in life, and there’s also nothing wrong with shopping at discount stores for your favorite steal. They both have a place and are a part of a lifestyle preference. You don’t have to like all of the same things, but your main lifestyle views should be similar in order for the relationship to thrive.

Leg #4: Sexual Connection and Deep Intimacy: Are you attracted to this person? Do you have a deep desire to connect on a deeper level with them? Oftentimes, we overlook attraction because the person we are with “checks all of the other boxes.” Attraction and wanting to know someone deeply is a crucial part of a successful relationship.

If you are currently dating and you’re trying to decide if they are worth long-term commitment, take a moment to check in with the four legs above. If one or several of the legs are missing, it may be a sign that the relationship is not meant to last. Building a relationship on a rocky foundation is difficult.

In that same breath, if you are in a long-term relationship and one of the legs begins to crack or suddenly shifts, it may be time to do the work to repair the relationship or begin to have an honest conversation about whether or not you’ve outgrown your partnership. 

A chair cannot stand properly without all four legs, and neither can a long-term, committed relationship. If you are trying to make it work with less, let this be your nudge to get honest with yourself and your partner. 

You are worthy of committed love that feels strong, solid, and aligned, even past the summer months! 

Lauren Zoeller is a Somatic Dating and Relationship Coach, motivational speaker and podcast host. She is the creator of The Aligned Love Experience™, and co-owner of SHIFT with Sanctuary™ 


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